Currently months that are many, “Bob” joined my group of friends. He’s got an abundance of good character faculties and it’s also excellent to hold away with him. In addition, he could be a bit bashful and also introverted.

Through the very last many weeks, i acquired the strong impression, that Bob includes a crush on me. It was also separately confirmed by other friends (about it) without me asking them. So it’s a fairly safe bet. He didn’t take action yet, nonetheless it already got me personally wondering what things to say to him.

Now, i enjoy Bob as a close buddy, but simply as a buddy. I do not would like a connection with him.

Therefore my concern may be the after: If he opens up to me personally, how can I reject their advance into the many gentle and least hurting way?

• to create clear, that we’ll you need to be friends, to ensure that he is able to search for another gf.
• explain, that i truly want us to remain buddies. That isn’t simply a group expression to place a conclusion to a situation that is awkward.

Therefore unlike past concerns like right right here and right right here, i am perhaps maybe not speaking about a(n) (nearly) complete stranger. I really hope that people can remain buddies and then he will not feel just like he destroyed face (which he made a fool away from himself), or experiencing too uncomfortable around me personally.

Do you have got any suggestions, things to say (or just exactly what perhaps perhaps not)? E. g. from everything you stated your self or even will have wished to hear in a comparable situation (so both edges associated with coin)?

Extra information, that could be helpful:

• I am presently perhaps not in a relationship, and neither is Bob.
• No extra complicating problems like differing cultural/religious back ground or perhaps the love.
• I do not worry a violent reaction or so on. This is certainly of no concern if you ask me.

5 Responses 5

I wish to counterbalance other responses. I believe the previously stated

Place the situation able to avoid him setting up to you within the first place.

is just an approach that is dangerous.

From opening to you, it could be harder from him to move on if you prevent him. Some individuals require certainly a clear refusal.

Exactly What might happen in the event that you deny him this “no” ?

He could resent you, and develop in a few case hateful emotions in your direction, particularly when he understands that you had been oblivious on function, for instance. He could believe that you had beenn’t really truthful with him.

He could possibly be extremely, really frustrated because he’d believe that he previouslyn’t the courage to confess. This will be a thing that could be very important to men, in which he could see himself being a coward if he never simply simply take this step.

Just exactly What in the event that you allow him arrived at you and present him a definite refusal ?

It’s likely that he will see you since, at the very least, honest. After the shock that is initial things are easier that way, since there is absolutely nothing to reproach to anybody.

Odds are too which he’ll be happy with himself. Going for a “no” is really a hard experience, but collecting the courage to inquire about is valorized in western tradition and society, in which he should not have regret following this. It ought to be much easier to move ahead, once again.

How about the misstravel confession itself ?

I believe other answers managed this well.

• Be truthful
• Do not make an effort to appear with excuses
• Allow him some room that you’re here if needed after it, but show him.

Simply inform the individual.

I happened to be 20. We had been camping in quite a spot with a band of 10–15 young ones aged 12–25. I had a intimate desire for somebody. One time we had been talking. At one point, whenever other folks were not in audible distance, she asked: i believe We have noticed you have a crush on me personally, is the fact that right? I nodded. Then she said, i am sorry, but I do not have interest that is romantic. After a some moments of silence we proceeded the past discussion.

It absolutely was all talked gently and friendly. It had beenn’t the thing I desired to hear, however it ended up being far friendlier compared to the other rejections We’d faced as an adolescent. I do not resent her after all.

I would personally positively simply aim to the golden guideline on that one. If the roles were reversed, exactly how could you desire to be notified of one’s misplaced hopes?

Without once you understand this individual well I am able to create a few assumptions i find most likely.

to help make clear, that we shall you need to be friends, to ensure he is able to seek out another gf.

Just a little of male viewpoint: he already is looking. It really is absolutely my experience that not many adult guys are completely preoccupied with an individual intimate possibility before also confirming shared interest. He’s much more likely just lonely than hung through to you. It is like putting a great dinner in front of a hungry individual. Nevertheless, for him to accept the reality of the situation if he is younger or has little to no dating or relationship experience, he may be more prone to suffer from a highly idealized understanding of you, that may make it harder.

We see lots of people suggesting you ignore it when possible or watch for some dramatic confession, and I need to say I totally disagree. Me i would prefer to be informed as soon as possible if it were. Then via text or email, or even tell your friends who informed you of this crush in the first place if it’s awkward to do in person. You should not be detailed. Just an easy, “I heard a rumor you may possibly be thinking about being significantly more than buddies, but i desired to allow you realize before it might get awkward or painful that i recently do not believe that method in regards to you.”

Then trying to wait on it will only make things harder for both of you in the long run if you know there’s an issue. Deliberately acting oblivious isn’t a type of interaction, and it is, with apologies with other posters, terrible advice. Guys try not to expect a dishonest or fake reaction in these scenarios. They will perhaps maybe not use the hint. It’s pretty much documented that folks interpret ambiguous social cues in whatever means is closest from what they desire, doubly then when it comes down to guys getting together with some body they find appealing. Here is a write-up concerning this referencing some real studies and specialists.